learning to forget…

I can make you forget “Him”… Those words made me laugh… forget Him? Never!… move on.. maybe.  He told me, He would never forget, He said, W/we should be together, I’ll be here when you’re ready little one… soo she took a chance… she called Him… just to say hi, but as soon as His voice came on the line, her tears started flowing like gentle rain…” Heyyy?? what’s wrong?” He asked, half knowing what she was going to say.

“Nothing really”, she mumbled in a child-like tone. "I’m broken and I need a hug”..  Fifteen minutes later she heard a car in the driveway… wow she thought, that was fast… if only “He” could’ve done that… all would be fine.  At least that’s what she keeps trying to tell herself.

she answered the door with tear-filled eyes and suddenly she was in His arms… “Are you okay babe?" He asked, the concern visible on His tanned face, His blue eyes piercing through her.  “NO no no no, I’m not okay,  I’m broken, I told You before, I just need a hug, I don’t know what the hell… I just wanted to Love Him", He nodded and raised a finger to her lips as He pushed His way into the house… “Well, do I need to kill someone?”,  He asked... she just shook her head in response as He wrapped His arms around her and rocked her gently.  “I't’s okay little one, I’m here now, see I told ya I’d be here if ya needed Me… I’m always here for you, you know I love your silly little ass, no matter what you do, I will always be right here.”

He held her for hours… made her dinner, and made her eat it… a real Man, a real Friend… They sat there on the couch, His arms wrapped tightly around her, wiping away her tears as she cried, and after a few hours she managed to get the words out… “HE PROMISED HE WOULDN’T HURT ME”  that’s when He said it…  “I can make you forget…”  How can she ever forget “Him”… it’s so hard, but she must try.

Stress!!!!

Okay Gentle Readers, Y/you may think to Y/yourselves “hey two posts? wow…”, yeah right… wow.  I have been shifted here and there and everywhere all over this fine fucking country, I’ve been to New York, Indianna, and numerous other places, now my Dear Lovelies, I’m stuck in Chicago, I said to myself… “self, you should rent a car and just drive to Him”, then I remembered a nightmare… my luggage, if I get off this plane the morons are certain to lose all my shit.  So I’ve made a conscious descision  to sit my happy asssss right here, this is the last leg of my journey, Yay! if I can just make it to my destination in one piece, I will most certainly be the  happiest little girl everrrrr.  Okay, time to hush now…  Just a tiny bitch fest lol.

her christmas morning…

Well, I guess it’s that time again… boredom or nerves or yeah lol a bit of both has lead me to this place once more.

She sits quietly staring out the window, her hands shaking, her mouth dry, the ever present lump in her throat growing with each passing cloud.  Today is the day P/people!, Holy fuck this is it… the moment T/they’ve both dreamt of for so long.  She floats along as if in some kind of trance, staring into her laptop, thinking of what is to come next.  To calm her nerves she runs over a to do list in her mind, okay little girl she thinks, you’re good, you can so fucking do this, it’s easy, Right?…  She glances over at the elderly woman sitting next to her, she’s sleeping so peacefully… her snores which once annoyed are becoming barely audible over her thoughts.

She can barely contain her excitement, closing her eyes for a moment she realizes any attempt to sleep is futile, her mind won’t allow it.  Getting closer to Him now, the butterflies that have taken residency in her stomach are now in flight, they scramble about inside her frantically.  She thinks about her family back home, her dog, friends…  friends wow, they think she’s nuts for doing this, she doesn’t care though, her love for Him outweighs all the doubts… all the lies, all of it.  At this moment in time all she really wants is that first hug.  The first touch from the Man she has loved from afar for so very long, this is what she needs.  He is what she needs, His love, His embrace, this is what it will take to calm her once again.  Again she looks at her hands, still trembling, she clasps them tightly in front of her looking around to see if any of the other passengers know her fear.  In the rear of the plane she hears a baby cry for it’s mother, it’s urgent call getting louder and more persistent… good lord  help her get off of this damn plane soon.  She feels like they’ve been flying for days and days… The flight attendant walks by and she thinks of ordering a drink…. nooo she thinks to herself, that just won’t do at all… The pilot comes over the loudspeaker, something about turbulence… she chuckles a little thinking of the irony of a crash, and how pissed off she would be if she never got her hug, okay none of that YOU she thinks. This is happening today, You will make this happen little one… He is waiting for you.  Once again she closes her tired eyes.  soon my Love… soon.

The Bite Before Christmas

A dark twisted version of a holiday classicby Marita Jaeger and Camille Burgin
T'was the night before Christmas
When all through the manor
Every creature was stirring
In black velvet glamour
The candles blazed on the mantle
In a flaming rage
Lighting the way for those
Far from beyond the grave
How the mortals were nestled
All snug in their beds,
Elusive visions of Christmas
Dreamily floating in their heads
But the dark Master and Mistress
Draped in their capes
Had plans quiet contradictory
To the Holy Saint
Over treetops they flew
Through the icy night sky
They reached their destination
As the midnight bells chimed
Up on the rooftop
The dark couple did land
The mortals woke with a start
Knowing evil was at hand
The mortals cautiously peered
Through a window of frost
Knowing they would pay
The ultimate cost
The moon on the crest
Of the new fallen snow
Cast an illusive shadow
On the ghastly pale faces below
Their eyes gleamed with hunger
Their movements were stealth
Silent were the mortal's screams
Their terror was felt.
The Wicked slyly appeared
In the corner of the room
Staring into the frightened souls
Who felt certain doom
They wasted no time,
But went direct for the veins
Their touch intoxicating
As they sunk in their fangs
Death came too quickly
Yet the hunger was sated
Disappearing into the mist
They mysteriously faded
The last mortal memory
Was sarcastically trite
Mockingly, the Vampires
exclaimed:
"Merry Christmas to all
and to all a good Bite."

“why do I love You, Sir?”

"Why do I love" You, Sir? Because The Wind does not require the Grass To answer Wherefore when He pass She cannot keep Her place. Because He knows and Do not You And We know not Enough for Us The Wisdom it be so The Lightning never asked an Eye Wherefore it shut when He was by Because He knows it cannot speak And reasons not contained Of Talk There be preferred by Daintier Folk The Sunrise Sire compelleth Me Because He's Sunrise and I see Therefore Then I love Thee Emily Dickinson

defeated

Okay Lovely Readers have Y/you ever just felt like nothing is going to go Y/your way?, like everything Y/you do is just an absolute fucking failure?  Well F/friends that is just how I feel today.  I would love to just crawl into some random hole and hide from all the horrors of the world.  I’d like to be a little girl again, hiding behind my mother’s dress.  P/people, I feel helpless and disillusioned, confused and alone.  The only Person that can help me is 1500 miles away, I was so close! all I wanted was one hug, just one fucking hug…  Is that really so much to ask for.  In my mind I know that it wasn’t my fault but that doesn’t make the pain in my heart go away.  The look of hurt in His eyes was almost too much for this little girl to bear.  The tears just keep flowing, I can’t make it stop, I can’t make this feeling go away, I just want to sleep.  I need Him, I need to make Him happy.  I just want Him to feel all the love I have held inside for so long.  So again W/we wait, I pray that I will be in His arms soon, I need this more than I’ve ever needed anything in my entire life.  I WILL get that hug, it WILL happen!  So Gentle Readers I leave You with these words, Hope is not lost, without it W/we have nothing.  This little girl will NOT be defeated so easily!…  Take care of Y/yourselves please.

the rain...

Awakened by the rhythmic sound of the rain on the roof above her, cold and alone… again, she sighs and heads down the stairs to make her morning cup of coffee.  Thinking to herself thank god for this automatic coffee pot, she pours the steaming liquid into her favorite cup and heads for her computer... she looks for signs of life, but sees none.  She smiles, trying to convince herself that it’s going to be a better day, even if it kills her!  Music, yes that’s what she needs, she heads for her stereo system, pushing various buttons  until it produces some kind of sound, anything to silence her tortured mind, then closing her eyes for a bit she feels that certain calm begin to wash over her.  She rises and goes to the front door to let the dog out… the ominous clouds gather overhead, as the driving rain continues to pour down.  She steps out into it slowly, calmly, letting the drops fall onto her face and hair.  Smiling to herself, she takes a quick look around to make sure the neighbors aren’t watching, and she slowly begins to dance… She feels the warm mud squish between her toes, as lightning flashes above her, around and around she twirls.  The poor dog, *smiles* she must think this girl has lost her mind.  That distinct sound of Hendrix comes from her speakers and she picks up the pace, her feet barely touching the ground.  She keeps dancing and dancing, the cool morning breeze on her face, the thin cotton fabric of her pajamas clings to her soft skin.  She spins and twirls through the storm, the sound of her gentle laughter almost inaudible, drowned out by the sound of the thunder, until she feels it… that beautiful feeling...  the calm that only the rain can bring.  She is finished... She retreats inside to start her day.