https://www.quikly.com/sonic/s/MLrmZQPN?utm_content=blogger

C'est la vie, "life's a bitch and so am i"

If only I knew how it’s  going to be
If only when I try to fix things, they became better
If only I was certain of how others feel
And if only people believed what I say...

If I knew how to show what I really felt
If I knew how to make people understand
If I knew how to make them believe
If I knew how to make them happy

If making people happy doesn't leave me sad
If making them understand doesn't make me an ignorant
If making them believe doesn't make me a liar
And if letting them know how I feel doesn't leave me numb

Things would've never reached that point
I know I would be in a much happier place
No one would ever blame me for not feeling
No one would blame me for not thinking

That's life ....You're never certain
You never know, you're never sure
You're not going to live that dream of yours
And life would never be "trouble free"

You have to live with what you have
You try to fix the broken glass
You try to collect the shattered pieces
You make the best of everyday

It's like a train that never stops
Keep going through life without pausing
Just live each day and throw it behind you
Don't look back or you'll break your neck !

life...

Looking out of the window,

as the sun slowly hides beneath the horizon,

the darkness creeps and crawls its way

upon the land;

 

i have been waiting for years,

haunted by memories,

going round and round,

in this vicious circle of life;

 

as the music fades away,

i look around to spot any familiar faces,

it seems i am here all alone,

trying to make sense of this crazy thing called life;

 

how long does it take?

to solve this puzzle called life?

how much more longer,

if only i knew!

 

like a bird in a cage,

as i sit and stare into another day,

its getting harder and harder,

to be in control yet feel helpless;

 

yet, i have been waiting for years,

it made no sense,

maybe this is what my life is?

 

as i look into an unknown horizon,

the promise of a happy ending tempts me back,

and i choose to survive

to have another go at this thing called Life!

 

 

 

why

“Why?”

Why do you keep going on like everything's okay?

Treating me the way you do like it's a normal day.

I am confused of who you are, and who I am to you,

I'm scared that you will never know who I have grown into.

I can't explain the reasons why you hate me now and then,

And why you've never let me live my life as just your friend.

The chances are forbidden that I ever could be right,

‘Cause I'm always wrong in your eyes, you change like day &  night.

And when you say those evil lies, my heart would start to melt,

It hurts that you have never cared or listened to how I felt.

But throughout all this chaos I have learned a valuable lesson,

That even if you know you're wrong, you'll never give confession.

So now that i have two kids of my own,

 I can show them a love that you have never shown.

Instead you showed me hate that I know I cannot forget,

So I will show my kids a love that I will not regret.

"dead"

“Dead”

What happens when you feel dead inside?
Do curl up in a ball and hide?
Do you simply let the tears fall,
Or never cry at all?
Do you make some scars,
Tear some papers apart.
Look down from a cliff,
Shoulders and neck all stiff.
Do you cry out their name?
Hoping it would end, this game?
Do you think about suicide?
And then just let the thought abide,
Next to your bedside.
It sits there all night,
Watching you sleep until the morning light.

huh?

No More Locked Doors

Everyday we pass through doors
Whether they're open or locked, the decision is yours
When you choose to slip up, that decision is gone
How long they're locked depends on what you've done.

Now you sit, staring, at the locked doors all around
The thoughts in your mind beating your soul to the ground
That time has now come to put change in your ways
Stop living your life in some substance-induced haze.

The time will soon come to unlock the door
From then on set your goals to always want more
If it's the negative road and wrong choices you make
Someday, real soon, your life, those drugs WILL take.

So when you hold in your hand the key to your door
Don't be that guy face down on the floor
For EVERYONE has the potential to be great
Just like the doors, you hold the key to your fate.

Yawn

3 'o'clock Why can't I sleep? I toss and turn, I sing I read Why can't I stop worrying? Those sheep don't work And the house to quiet I light my candles and silently sit. My feet are frozen My lips are dry I think of you And tears fall from my eyes The dark room holds my fears Like a mother holds her child I crawl back in bed And curl up in a ball I am exhausted But for some reason I can not sleep at ALL!

an idle mind...

“aching”

My heart aches when I don’t talk to Him

My heart aches when I don’t hear from Him

My heart aches when I long for Him

I don’t know why

He’s taken over my thoughts

I can’t explain

He’s almost a stranger

So far away

I want Him close to me now

I miss His embrace

Holding Him close

My heart aches for His love

My heart aches

“lost girl”

I’m the girl who hides behind a smile everyday

Im the girl who has a tough exterior

That’s not who I really am

Im the girl who has a lot of problems

I don’t share any of them

Im the girl who keeps everything bottled up

Sometimes I need someone to talk to

Someone to care about me

Someone to listen to my problems

Someone to hold me when I cry

Someone to love me

nobody knows the real me

nobody knows what I go through everyday

nobody knows what I do just to make it through each day

nobody knows im the girl who will cry herself to sleep every night

What’s a girl to do without demotivational posters??  These things never fail to make me smile...

"invisible"

today i wish i were invisible, to hide from all the heartache and darkness that has recently seemed to consume my world. Why do i have these thoughts? i'm not exactly sure, but i know that they'e been deep inside my phsyche for quite sometime just waiting to surface. It seems that all i do to make the feelings disappear is totally in vain. today i just want to be home. i should be joyfull, today marks thirty days without the substances that may harm myself or my F/family, instead i feel myself wanting to leave this place. i want to run away, to hide for weeks or months from everyone and everything that i hold dear. i ask myself time and time again, what's wrong with you? Why can you not overcome this monster that lies within? Why can't you be strong like before? Before what? Why have you allowed this addiction to take over your mind and body, allowed it to be your wicked new Master, and pushed all those you love and cherish aside? Yes today i want to be invisible, if only that were possible. i'm still here, i'm sorry. i love Y/you all with all that i am, be well and know that soon i will be home and "me" again.

Warning…

*smiles* Well F/friends I hope you find this post funny yet informative.

Urban dictionaries describe a chat whore as any bitch that will almost phone fuck, ass fuck, real time fuck any loser on the web.  These people have no respect for anyone, including themselves.   They just wander around from room to room wreaking havoc on unsupecting chatters everywhere.  These people can be either male or female, Dominant or submissive.  W/we all know them well, their innocent little grins plastered to their faces, whether they be in plain sight  or lurking in the shadows as most prefer, every room has one of the vile creatures. How do you spot one of these disgusting vermin Y/you may ask?    Unfortunatly people they are indistinguishable from any other normal chatter in appearance.  Some may even seem to be friendly and kind, until you see the real person behind the keyboard.

I’d like to sadly inform Y/you that though we have done extensive research, to this day there is no repellant or deterrent for these sick individuals.  Think they aren’t a threat, well F/friend, you would be wrong in this assumption.  These people will smile to your face as they try their best to fuck your husbands, wives, submissives, slaves, Masters, Daddies, baby girls, bfs, gfs,  you love em, they take em!.  I beg of you people, be honest and open to the ones you love, treat them with love and respect.  You do not and I repeat do not want them to fall victim to one of the chatwhores!  DON’T LET THEM GET YOU!!!!

His return…

The girl sits quietly ; she can barely sit still, her mind racing with thoughts of His return.  He’d only been gone since Monday, not quite a week but to her the time without Him seemed like an eternity.  she had been given a list of instructions which she followed carefully.  They were simple really… she was to lay out His favorite flogger and various other items that made her shiver with delight.  she was to be kneeling by the front door, her ass stuffed with the beads He’d given her before He left.  she was to be clothed in nothing but His favorite dress shirt.  she glances up at the clock, 8:47, almost time…  she smiles to herself and types a few words here and there to give her friends the impression that she’s actually paying attention but they know better.  Trembling with anticipation she gazes out the window as she been doing for hours.  she spots a pair of headlights far in the distance and her heart skips a beat, He’s home!  she quickly says her goodnights and makes her way to the front door.  she kneels carefully, her gaze lowered to the floor, sitting on her shaking hands.  A car door slams outside and she hears His footsteps as He approaches.  she shudders violently, fighting the urge to look up at Him as she hears the click of the door shutting behind Him.  she smiles, watching His feet as He kicks His shoes off and moves toward her.  she keeps her eyes lowered as she feels His hand reach out to caress her face.  He gently lifts her chin, forcing her to look up into His piercing  green eyes, “such a good girl, I’ve missed you little one”, He says smiling down at His girl, His fingers entwining themselves in her long dark hair.  For a second she loses herself in His eyes, oh god those eyes that can see deep into her very soul.  she moans softly as He takes her hand, helping her to her feet, and she whispers softly in His ear, so close her lips are almost touching Him, “Master, Your girl missed You so bad”
He winks at her and gathers her up in His arms, holding her tight.  His muscular chest presses closer to her, flattening her swollen breasts and making every nerve in her body tingle.  she blushes and looks toward the floor as His hands explore her body, softly whimpering as she feels the warmth building between her thighs.   she meets His lips, kissing Him hungrily before turning to follow Him upstairs.  she watches carefully as He makes His way over to the bed and gives her a slight nod, motioning for her to come to Him.  she takes a few steps toward Him and He quickly grabs her wrists, a chill runs through her as the cold metal handcuffs click securely into place, leaving her hanging, helpless and fully exposed.  He reaches out to her, His hands slowly moving up and down her trembling figure, stopping briefly on her abdomen, He leans forward and kisses her tummy softly, smiling down at her as He says “hello little one.”  she arches her back and moans with pleasure as His hands move lower, and He slips a finger inside her, teasing her, making her ache for Him.  He smiles wickedly and jumps to His feet, pulling out of her abruptly and moving across the room to unpack.  “patience My reason”, He chuckles softly, watching her.  she wants to protest but knows that rushing Him will only prolong her agony.  she struggles against the handcuffs until the cool metal digs into her wrists, finally giving up.  she hangs quietly, watching His every move, her body trembling.  Oh how she loves this Man, her Protector, her Lover, her Sweet Tormentor.  As the minutes fade into what seems like hours she finally finds her voice and calls out to Him, “Master, Your girl needs You, please take me.”  Tears form in the corner of her eyes as she watches Him, moaning softly.  Finally He moves to claim His property, His skilled hands moving over her skin slowly, touching, teasing, caressing…  His soft lips kissing and nipping at her ears, neck, shoulders, planting kisses all over her as His hands travel lower.  Again His fingers make their way deep inside her and waves of pleasure surge through her body, rocking against Him.  As a single tear runs down her cheek she smiles to herself thinking this must be what heaven feels like.  He stops again and she whimpers softly as He steps back and asks “what do you want ?”, she feels her face redden as she moans in reply, “i only want to please You Master”.
A low growl escapes from deep in His throat as He swiftly moves over her and says the two words she loves to hear more than anything, “good girl”.  His lips are on hers as He pushes her thighs apart quickly.  she screams His name as He enters her.  So full, so good, she moans and whimpers, her back arched, her hips rising to meet His every thrust, burning with desire as He pushes deeper.  she closes her eyes tightly and feels His long fingers wrap around her throat.  “look at Me girl” He growls in her ear, turning her face toward Him.  she moans breathlessly, gazing deeply into His eyes as His love consumes her.  she screams again, fighting hard not to explode, struggling to wait for His command, her body aching, burning with need she begs Him, pleading for release, shaking uncontrollably against Him.  her tears flow down her face like rain as her nails dig deep into His broad shoulders.  Clinging to Him she tries to speak but the words won’t come, finally managing to say “please Master please!”  He raises His arm high in the air and comes down hard on her ass, grinning as she cries out in pain, only wanting Him more…  He asks her again in a firm tone, “what do you want? please what? say it!”  she screams her reply so loud it can be heard by the neighbors a mile away, “YOU MASTER!!”.  Once more His hand comes crashing down on her ass and He pushes her legs high above her head, driving deeper into His girl, “tell me girl, say it!”  she sobs uncontrollably, rocking against Him, fighting to get the words out, stammering “i… i.. please Master please I need it now, I can’t…”  He smacks her ass hard again, leaving a perfect handprint on her right cheek and demands “DO IT NOW !”  she lets out a muffled cry as a sudden wave of darkness envelopes her.

she awakens a few minutes later, opening her eyes slowly, praying that it’s not all just some wonderful dream.  There He is, holding her tightly, a concerned look on His face.  Seeing that she’s okay, His lips curve into a playful grin.  He leans forward and plants a kiss on her forehead.  “Welcome back pretty girl, I lost you for a few minutes, are you alright?”  she nods and bursts into tears, whispering breathlessly, “thank You Master, thank You for loving me.”

from His pen…

Watching Her Sleep

With a whispered sigh she called my name
Missing me at her side as she slept.
I sit here watching her and waiting.
Silent and dumbstruck by her beauty.
How could I have deserved her,
A beautiful siren calling me.
That voice a soft temptation
Just begging for me to give in.
Yet how can I do that and remain
Unchanged, untouched, and free.
Do I give into lust, to love?
Do I surrender my heart and soul?
Oh how much I'd love to do that,
To give into this creature of desire.
This phantom of all my dreams
All my fantasies and hopes.
How badly I want to caress
To trace the curve of your cheek.
To feel your warmth under me,
Your presence once again in my arms.
Sleep sweet angel till mornings kiss
So that I might find myself.
Might discover the truth in my heart
And the source of my soul's desire.

my friend

I can't give solutions to all of life's problems, doubts,
or fears. But I can listen to you, and together we will
search for answers.
I can't change your past with all it's heartache and pain,
nor the future with its untold stories.
But I can be there now when you need me to care.
I can't keep your feet from stumbling.
I can only offer my hand that you may grasp it and not fall.
Your joys, triumphs, successes, and happiness are not mine;
Yet I can share in your laughter.
Your decisions in life are not mine to make, nor to judge;
I can only support you, encourage you,
and help you when you ask.
I can't prevent you from falling away from friendship,
                from your values, from me.
I can only pray for you, talk to you and wait for you.
I can't give you boundaries which I have determined for you,
But I can give you the room to change, room to grow,
room to be yourself.
I can't keep your heart from breaking and hurting,
But I can cry with you and help you pick up the pieces
and put them back in place.
I can't tell you who you are.
I can only love you and be your friend.

In this life it’s rare to find a real friend, someone who will be there for you even if times get hard.  I’m one of the lucky ones I guess.  I've found that person, I tell her everyday how amazing she is but like me, she doesn’t believe a word of it.  She is just herself. Human, Flawed, Wonderful, Beautiful.  I should thank her daily for dealing with my shit. I don’t but I should *grins*.  She makes me smile when I’m having a bad day and she tells me to chill the fuck out when I get a little too crazy.  Thanks bitchie for always being there for me, I love you forever!
   

discovery

Mindless scribbles in a margin,
eyes vacant of hope.
Fighting through pain,
succeeding, but failing miserably.
Digging into a deeper hole,
you pulled up my hand.
You helped me out,
sharpening my dull vision.
Helping me through lies,
holding through the pain.
A mindless scribble has meaning,
hope for eternal bliss,
you found me.

note to girl’s Master:  my Sweet Clay,

the  night You came and drew me into Your arms I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life in Your servitude.   Thank You for giving me Your love and guidance, for this I will be eternally grateful.  Thank You for pulling this silly little lost girl from the darkness and showing her that she could love again.  Thank You Master.

for my “sbw”

faster

Recently, I gained the affection of one of the sweetest little girls I know… this song makes me think of her. soooo I  just thought I’d take a minute to acknowledge my pretty girl “lil chele”… *big smiles* thanx for the candy “sbw”!!  love you lots babe!

CRY

At first I gave him...
what I knew I could give....
The flesh for the taking....
the easy part.

Something I had mastered,
long before I knew him.
Such a sacraficial lamb,
and yet I...held the important things,
          held them tight
                  to my heart....

so tight,
.... that it left impressions...
          of such disappointment,
    and yes, pain.

and slowly,
         so slowly, moment by moment
I gave him more, than I..
         ever believed that I could,
         that I ever thought I wanted to...

I felt his hands... touching my heart...
         pulling it away from me...

loosening my grasp...
         and slowly,little pieces
fell away from me,

I felt him touch me in my darkest places....

          CRY, CRY, CRY he said
let it go, let it go, let it go....

and it was
          in the letting go,

          that he moved closer to me....
there was room for him now.

Dreams…

The sun is shining down on her as she strolls down the narrow path of the cemetery, she’s been here so many times in her mind.  she feels her pulse begin to race as she nears his grave…  why does her mind always have to go here? Why cant she just sleep peacefully just for a few hours?  Well those questions will never be answered… as she gets closer, she can barely breathe… it’s almost as if a ton of bricks has been placed on her chest.  The icy cold fingers emerge from the earth and reach to grasp her ankle… that damn hand yet again…  she breaks into a run, down the flowered lane, and out through the iron gate… all of a sudden the sky grows dark.  she just keeps running and running, unsure if she can stop… still thinking about the hand and what lies beneath it… she can barely see anything in front of her as she runs faster and faster the wind in her hair, her feet barely touching the ground…  she hits a brick wall, *SMACK*…  no not a wall.  she  quickly scrambles to her feet and looks in front of her,  it’s Him…  He wraps His arms tightly around her and kisses her tears away…  “It’s okay little girl, I’m here now, let Me help you…”  He holds her so tightly she can barely breathe… this is the Man she loves, with all of her being.  she awakens to find herself alone on the couch… wow a dream… maybe the nightmares are finally over?

Happy

Hello Gentle R/readers, I hope this finds all of Y/you well… I am wonderful.  The smile has returned to my face and I feel as though the sun is shining down on me once again… this my dear F/friends is a beautiful thing.  I only wish this kind of happiness for the rest of the world, How amazing would that be?

Well enough of my mad rantings, I just wanted to say a quick thank Y/you to those who have contributed to my new found joy… Y/you all know who Y/you are. Hugs and kissssssessssssss for every one of Y/you. ~smiles~