from His pen…

Watching Her Sleep

With a whispered sigh she called my name
Missing me at her side as she slept.
I sit here watching her and waiting.
Silent and dumbstruck by her beauty.
How could I have deserved her,
A beautiful siren calling me.
That voice a soft temptation
Just begging for me to give in.
Yet how can I do that and remain
Unchanged, untouched, and free.
Do I give into lust, to love?
Do I surrender my heart and soul?
Oh how much I'd love to do that,
To give into this creature of desire.
This phantom of all my dreams
All my fantasies and hopes.
How badly I want to caress
To trace the curve of your cheek.
To feel your warmth under me,
Your presence once again in my arms.
Sleep sweet angel till mornings kiss
So that I might find myself.
Might discover the truth in my heart
And the source of my soul's desire.

my friend

I can't give solutions to all of life's problems, doubts,
or fears. But I can listen to you, and together we will
search for answers.
I can't change your past with all it's heartache and pain,
nor the future with its untold stories.
But I can be there now when you need me to care.
I can't keep your feet from stumbling.
I can only offer my hand that you may grasp it and not fall.
Your joys, triumphs, successes, and happiness are not mine;
Yet I can share in your laughter.
Your decisions in life are not mine to make, nor to judge;
I can only support you, encourage you,
and help you when you ask.
I can't prevent you from falling away from friendship,
                from your values, from me.
I can only pray for you, talk to you and wait for you.
I can't give you boundaries which I have determined for you,
But I can give you the room to change, room to grow,
room to be yourself.
I can't keep your heart from breaking and hurting,
But I can cry with you and help you pick up the pieces
and put them back in place.
I can't tell you who you are.
I can only love you and be your friend.

In this life it’s rare to find a real friend, someone who will be there for you even if times get hard.  I’m one of the lucky ones I guess.  I've found that person, I tell her everyday how amazing she is but like me, she doesn’t believe a word of it.  She is just herself. Human, Flawed, Wonderful, Beautiful.  I should thank her daily for dealing with my shit. I don’t but I should *grins*.  She makes me smile when I’m having a bad day and she tells me to chill the fuck out when I get a little too crazy.  Thanks bitchie for always being there for me, I love you forever!
   

discovery

Mindless scribbles in a margin,
eyes vacant of hope.
Fighting through pain,
succeeding, but failing miserably.
Digging into a deeper hole,
you pulled up my hand.
You helped me out,
sharpening my dull vision.
Helping me through lies,
holding through the pain.
A mindless scribble has meaning,
hope for eternal bliss,
you found me.

note to girl’s Master:  my Sweet Clay,

the  night You came and drew me into Your arms I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life in Your servitude.   Thank You for giving me Your love and guidance, for this I will be eternally grateful.  Thank You for pulling this silly little lost girl from the darkness and showing her that she could love again.  Thank You Master.

for my “sbw”

faster

Recently, I gained the affection of one of the sweetest little girls I know… this song makes me think of her. soooo I  just thought I’d take a minute to acknowledge my pretty girl “lil chele”… *big smiles* thanx for the candy “sbw”!!  love you lots babe!

CRY

At first I gave him...
what I knew I could give....
The flesh for the taking....
the easy part.

Something I had mastered,
long before I knew him.
Such a sacraficial lamb,
and yet I...held the important things,
          held them tight
                  to my heart....

so tight,
.... that it left impressions...
          of such disappointment,
    and yes, pain.

and slowly,
         so slowly, moment by moment
I gave him more, than I..
         ever believed that I could,
         that I ever thought I wanted to...

I felt his hands... touching my heart...
         pulling it away from me...

loosening my grasp...
         and slowly,little pieces
fell away from me,

I felt him touch me in my darkest places....

          CRY, CRY, CRY he said
let it go, let it go, let it go....

and it was
          in the letting go,

          that he moved closer to me....
there was room for him now.

Dreams…

The sun is shining down on her as she strolls down the narrow path of the cemetery, she’s been here so many times in her mind.  she feels her pulse begin to race as she nears his grave…  why does her mind always have to go here? Why cant she just sleep peacefully just for a few hours?  Well those questions will never be answered… as she gets closer, she can barely breathe… it’s almost as if a ton of bricks has been placed on her chest.  The icy cold fingers emerge from the earth and reach to grasp her ankle… that damn hand yet again…  she breaks into a run, down the flowered lane, and out through the iron gate… all of a sudden the sky grows dark.  she just keeps running and running, unsure if she can stop… still thinking about the hand and what lies beneath it… she can barely see anything in front of her as she runs faster and faster the wind in her hair, her feet barely touching the ground…  she hits a brick wall, *SMACK*…  no not a wall.  she  quickly scrambles to her feet and looks in front of her,  it’s Him…  He wraps His arms tightly around her and kisses her tears away…  “It’s okay little girl, I’m here now, let Me help you…”  He holds her so tightly she can barely breathe… this is the Man she loves, with all of her being.  she awakens to find herself alone on the couch… wow a dream… maybe the nightmares are finally over?

Happy

Hello Gentle R/readers, I hope this finds all of Y/you well… I am wonderful.  The smile has returned to my face and I feel as though the sun is shining down on me once again… this my dear F/friends is a beautiful thing.  I only wish this kind of happiness for the rest of the world, How amazing would that be?

Well enough of my mad rantings, I just wanted to say a quick thank Y/you to those who have contributed to my new found joy… Y/you all know who Y/you are. Hugs and kissssssessssssss for every one of Y/you. ~smiles~